It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.