What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
All farts...are laughing gas.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.