I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.