Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.