Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.