Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Only a**holes use bidets.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.