Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.