What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.