What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.