Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.