A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.