What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.