Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.