I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.