What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.