There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.