So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.