What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.