What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."