My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.