I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.