Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.