What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."