Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Only a**holes use bidets.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.