The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.