My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.