Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?