My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!