A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!