Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.