My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean