Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.