What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
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