What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.