My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.