What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
Only a**holes use bidets.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.