Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.