I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.