How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.