I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Only a**holes use bidets.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.