Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.