The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.