What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
All farts...are laughing gas.