What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.