I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.