"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.