What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
The sun is just a big space heater.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.