The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.