Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.