How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.