Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.