My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”