One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.