Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.