My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.