How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.