I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.