What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls