The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM