Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke