Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her