Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.