Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.