Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.