Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"