What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles