My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.