How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"