My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome