Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.