I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times