Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar