What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.