People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered