Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!