What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.