Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.