Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.