The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.