My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them