With

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
I got in touch with my inner self today...That's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper
My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.
But I think she's JokiSDGF4s475241GHHHNM,GDSSSDFSDFSDFADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrTTTTTTEEEECbbbbbbbbII003333454587111,KSDFUJYTFD3u8ol;b ki90l.YJNMLGDSFSDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why aren't prostitutes allowed near prisons?
Because a sentence shouldn't end with a proposition.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.