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Was

Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
I was upset that my mom had sewn patches onto her sweater.
Patches was a great cat.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.