Places Jokes

What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
Mmm baby! You’re decomposing in ALL the right places!
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
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