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On

A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
What does the sign on the brothel say when it’s closed?
Beat it, we're clothed.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."