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On

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What does the sign on the brothel say when it’s closed?
Beat it, we're clothed.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."