You’re turtle-ly awesome.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
If you come with me, I'll show you a hard day's night.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
Crash courses for private pilots - The Daily Telegraph
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
You’re all I’m Luca-ing for and more
Aren’t you supposed to be on top of that tree? Because you’re a star.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Irish you luck.
Two students talk:
"What are you reading?"
"Quantum physics theory book."
"But why are you reading it upside-down?"
"It makes no difference anyway."
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gay.
Then they arrested me.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Baby, you're so sweet you'd put Hershey's out of business!
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
I ain't greedy baby, all I want is all you got.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Call me on the shellphone.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Let's be like Noah and do this as a pair.
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
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