Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism

"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers

How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.

This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?

Do you know why Uranium is my favorite element on the periodic table of elements? That’s because I love U!

There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.

What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.

A guy walks into the doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a plum stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.

My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.

I sulfur when you argon.

What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…

“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”

Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...

How to spot the best mechanic?

The brightest bulb.

What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.

My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.

The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.

"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov

Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.

I enjoy your company and the silence in between our yoga mats.

Hey girl, I won't be able to see you for the next few weeks.
I'm giving up sweet things for Lent.

Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"

There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat on a chair,
Till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.

Fresh French fried fly fritters

There’s no trick in these pants.

My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"

John, you have so much po(tato)tential!

An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?
A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a u problem".

We aren't even in hot yoga, but you have me sweating.

What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”

What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?

What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.

What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.

What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.

My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.

As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.

I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers

I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.

There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.

St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.

Thanksgiving Dinner's sad and thankless
Christmas Dinner's dark and blue
When you stop and try to see it
From the turkey's point of view.

Sunday Dinner isn't sunny
Easter Feasts are just bad luck
When you see it from the viewpoint
Of a chicken or a duck.

Oh how I once loved tuna salad
Pork and Lobsters-- lamb chops too
Till I stopped and looked at dinner
From the dinner's point of view.

(Shel Silverstein)

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.

Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…

King Hero of old Syracuse had doubts that made him frown.
"Perhaps my goldsmith did not use pure gold to make the crown."
Since proof of mischief must be strong to put a thief in collar,
The king who feared his judgment wrong called on his science scholar.
"Archimedes, friend of old, find me the solution!
Is my crown pure solid gold, or is that an illusion?"
The scholar's task was serious; he struggled hard with math.
His mind was near delirious until he poured his bath.
He noticed how the water pushed him up as he stepped in.
He thought about it harder as he stroked his bearded chin.
"The weight of displaced liquid should always let me know
When any golden solid has a density too low!"
"Eureka!", he resounded. "I have such a clever mind".
Yet his claim was unfounded 'cause he left his clothes behind!

(by Robert Z)

The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.