What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
I take romance to a new level - I don't cuddle, I hibernate.
Are you a rusty bike? Because you gonna squeak and scream when I ride you tonight.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Did you know that the Greek god Chronos was in the Mafia?
He was the Don of Time itself!
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
I’m like a boomerang. I just keep coming back to you.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
Are you a bike? Because I wanna ride you until I get tired.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
I can out here for an easy run, but you make my heart do speed work
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me your number, so I can bloom with you.
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
Why was the museum curator so good at judging paintings and sculptures? He was talented at art official intelligence.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
I hope you prefer men who take grooming seriously.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
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