What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Owl always love you.
You look like the morning sun after a long night of darkness.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Are you a pot-head? Because weed be cute together
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Allow me to synapse with you, and we shall store the most wonderful of memories.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Hi, I'm Mr. Right.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
"Bee"
A bee comes tapping at my screen,
Buzzing, bumping, sounding mean.
Bouncing, pushing, acting wired,
With no thought of getting tired.
¨I could say, “Dear bee, what is it?
Would you like to come and visit?”
But I feel his anger’s keen.
So I’m glad I have a screen!
– Denise Rodgers
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head.
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
Hey girl, are you Morphine? 'Cause, you take my pain away.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Do you wanna come dance with the big bad wolf? [ No! ] Its okay, the other two pigs said no too!
Sorry for cutting you in line, I was hoping you believe in love at first sight.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Girl, you should not have covered your beautiful eyes behind those Versace sunglasses.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Your smile is brighter than the fireworks on the 4th of July.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
I'm no sandman, but I can take you to cotton candy land.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
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