How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
What did the detective say after finding a calculator?
"Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up..."
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
I'm sorry I wasn't around in the past. Can I be part of your future?
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
“Aha”, says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.”
“Hmm”, says the physicist, “You mean that some Scottish sheep are black”.
“No”, says the mathematician, “All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!”
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
A little less conversation, a little more action please.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Are you heading to India? 'Cause I'd Goa anywhere with you!
Do you climb? Because baby I can be your rock
Hey girl, are you related to Abraham's nephew?
Because I like you a LOT.
Has anyone told you you have the best smile ever? Honestly, its Nat-a-lie!
"Are you a witch because you sure got me spellbound."
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
Girl, if we were lymphocytes, you’d be a natural killer.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
Only so many
And so much to get done.
I’d rather take nap.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk butt off the carousel.
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
"You bake me crazy."
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis...
Would it even matter?
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
Hey Audrey, Audreyly like to take you out
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Go to BabaMail
