Have you seen any linking verbs around here? Because you are my complement and I want to connect.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
"I never eat November’s snowflakes, I always wait until December.” – Lucy from television show Peanuts
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bruce
Bruce who?
I Bruce easily, don't hit me!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Hey girl, these swimming pool lane lines can't keep us apart.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
If you were a fishing fly you'd be 'irresistible'.
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I was born smart,
What happened to you?!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
Enough exposition. Let’s move this to the development section
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
The depressing thing about tennis is
I will never be as good as a wall.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
If everything in life passes, why do not you pass me your WhatsApp?
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Hey there cyclist, do you need to use my pump?
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Call me Rudolph, because you just sleighed me.
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
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