Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Is a bell working?
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
I like you, you croc my world.
I wish I was your coronary artery so that I could be wrapped around your heart.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
You should date a swimmer because no matter how tired we are, we never stop halfway.
My ambition, said old Mr. King,
Is to live as a bird on the wing.
Then he climbed up a steeple,
Which scared all the people,
So they caged him and taught him to sing.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I just had to tell you. Your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
You know you’re getting old when…
You sing along with the elevator music.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Go to BabaMail
