Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
University.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
I must have a neurodegenerative disease because I’ve forgotten your number, cutie.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Why did the detectives suddenly appear at the concert at the beach?
Something fishy was going on.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
Dog heaven must be missing an angel.
You can put your hands at my heart’s center.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
"Little Boy Blue"
Little Boy Blue, please cover your nose.
You sneezed on Miss Muffet and ruined her clothes.
You sprayed Mother Hubbard, and now she is sick.
You put out the fire on Jack’s candlestick.
Your sneeze is the reason why Humpty fell down.
You drenched Yankee Doodle when he came to town.
The blind mice are angry! The sheep are upset!
From now on, use a tissue so no one gets wet!
– Darren Sardelli
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
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