A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Can you put some hot sauce on my enchilada, I need some spice in my life.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
I love you more than my mom loves Céline Dion.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
I ran into my ex in town yesterday. Then I ran over him and backed up to run into him again.
I’ve never seen a sleeker frame.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
How am I supposed to shamelessly flirt with you in the middle of the night when I don’t have your number?
Beach you to it.
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
I would flirt with you, but I'd rather seduce you with my awkwardness From a distance.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
Bodies Needed To Look After Graveyard
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
How do you tell someone winter is over?
You spring it on them!
Wow, you have a the chin of Superman. I bet you could take a serious punch.
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
Would you like to upsize your meal and get my number for free today?
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
In the spirit of Easter, I've hidden eggs around the appartment.
In the spirit of April Fools, I'm not telling my roommates.
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
What happens when you die after Thanksgiving?
You go to Gravy Jones' Locker
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
The food here is quite so-fish-ticated.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What do you say when you find the perfect font?
You’re just my type!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
"Have a hoppy Easter."
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