Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Is your name Google? Because you've got everything I'm searching for.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Why Do News Channels love April Fools Day?
Because it's socially acceptable to do what they already do every day of the year.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
You know, I don't need energy bars to keep me going.
I think we're mint to be!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
CRIME: Sheriff Asks For 13.7% Increase
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
"Oops"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kenya
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I would spend every second today thinking about you.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Please excuse my resting beach face.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles?
No cake for me… I’m stuffed!
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
I'm not a snowman, but woman, you make my heart melt.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
If we're going to make love later, you should probably be there.
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?
I ain't greedy baby, all I want is all you got.
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