Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Girl, are you a train? Because I choo choo choose you.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
What did the man say after spending hours skiing?
"I'm starving, can I avalanche?"
Wanna have a bath with me.. you can play with my rubber dickie.
If I had a nickel for every time I received a nickel, I would have an infinite amount of nickels.
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
"What did Frankenstein's monster say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
A robber walks into a bank and points the gun at the receptionist
"Give me all your money or you're Geography!" 'Don't you mean "or you're History"?'
"*DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!"*
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Look for a rainbow connection.
Hey there cyclist, do you need to use my pump?
There was a young fellow named Clyde,
who fell in an outhouse and died.
Along came his brother,
and fell in another,
and now they're interred side by side.
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Hi! Tell me a funny story about your dog. I know you've got one.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
You must be my coronary artery because you’re wrapped around my heart.
You look good on your yoga mat.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Go to BabaMail
