I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.“
— Oscar Wilde
Are you the perigee moon? Because I’m so attracted to you day by day.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Are you a compound of beryllium and barium? Because you’re a total BaBe.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
You remind me of cheese... I want you on everything!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Are you Ebala? Because you melt my insides.
With me with you, anywhere becomes the perfect Champ-site.
Do you get a hint of almond in this Keemun? No? That’s odd because I’m nuts about you.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
I can’t find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?,” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”
I think I might become an astronomer because I’m very fascinated with Uranus
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Was that an earthquake or are you rocking this run?
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